did you get engaged???
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
