Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
