Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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