I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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