Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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