Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
