I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
