Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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