girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
