So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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