Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
