is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I AM VODKA MAN
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
