I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All the doctor said was why
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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