I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
