Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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