that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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