Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You pole danced in your parka.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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