Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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