By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
