and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The Olympian is in my bed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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