the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
