He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
