when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
