Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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