Will you blow on my dice?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
