I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
