i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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