THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
