can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
