A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
