i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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