They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
