First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
