I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i came on her dog
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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