Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
In other news, I just burned my penis
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
