Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
