she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
