I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
