Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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