Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
