Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
