I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
