this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
