when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
