He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Randomize
