not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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