Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
