my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
