Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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