This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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