I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
