if i can run in heels then i can drive
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
